themedicalchronicles:
I was pouring my brains out over my textbook when Mom came in. She sat on my bed to discuss stuff with me again. Life. She wasn’t too happy with me lately, said I was keeping things from her that I shouldn’t be. All because of a stupid class. Organic chemistry. Why I failed, how did I fail, why didn’t I tell her before that I failed, how could I have failed, why didn’t I get a tutor if I knew I was going to fail.
I wasn’t going to medical school this upcoming year. She was real upset. She said a year is a long time to wait.
“Tina, do you know how long 12 months is?” she asked.
“A year.”
“What if I don’t even live to see next year? When will I see you as a doctor?”
She’d smack the ovaries right out of me if I talked back at her. She was in her lets-talk-business-because-you-are-making-me-very-upset-now-young-lady mood, and there was no stopping her.
Of course I wasn’t going to med school because of her. I wanted to go because I wanted to become a pediatrician. But I wanted to see her happy and getting in on the first try would make her real happy. I knew she had the fear that once I took a year off, I wouldn’t go back to school, but I knew I was going no matter what. She also thought I created this whole problem because I had to take orgo twice.
“What’s the point of pulling all-nighters if you’re not even going to pass?”
Jeez Mom, thanks. I tried, I mean I really honestly tried. I can’t be that dumb. Or can I?
I’m surprised I didn’t have dark clouds of acidic rain hovering over my head following me around for the past few days, after all the arguments I had with her. She was ruining my mood big time. All I wanted to do was drink my mocha and write a good story, but no, she had to constantly nag me, reminding me of how my best friend was oh-so-perfect.
Well, why don’t you go adopt her then?
I was beginning to develop “allergies” that week – teary eyes and a sniffling nose even though I had a perfect immune system. What else could I say to my friend when I just fought with Mom and was walking in to my research lab wanting to tear my temples out for being such a big disappointment?
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I can’t tell if this is fiction or truth. It drips too much truth, even if it is fiction. I am very, very angry for the author’s sake. And so, I would like to address the author, and any anyone whose shoes might resemble hers.
Dear Tina:
First, you write beautifully. Don’t stop. Writing is a skill, not everyone can do it or even do a mediocre job of it. Fucking be proud of yourself, girl!
Second, your Mother is wrong to behave that way to you. Her job is to support you through success and failure. Not to tear you down and compare you to your friends- that is so unnecessary and unkind. I would suggest politely telling her that you are hard on yourself as it is, you don’t need her criticism and disappointment magnifying things; if she doesn’t have any encouraging and loving words, she can keep them to herself. You’re an adult now (I myself forget sometimes), so you don’t have to put up with emotional bullying like that.
Trust me, my parents worst punishment in their arsenal of torments was to tell me they were disappointed in me. It used to destroy me to think I was disappointing them (then I did things like move in with my boyfriend, get tattoos, stop believing in their religion, and I resigned myself to being a constant disappointment on some level). When my mom told me on my 21st birthday how proud she was of me for supporting myself and trying so hard in school, I broke down and cried after hanging up the phone.
This is a message to all pre-meds, med students, doctors, whatever the fuck you are. You don’t need negative people in your life. It doesn’t matter who they are: professors, friends, roommates, siblings, parents. How shortsighted is that person? This path is really fucking hard and try as you might, you will probably fuck up somewhere. SO. WHAT. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big of a fucking deal! If you are struggling, they should lift you up, not add some more weight to your emotional load. That’s cruel and heartless, not loving, not acceptable. Don’t keep those people around any longer than necessary (ex: family you can’t get rid of, but you can minimize contact with them until they start being positive).
In one of my interviews we got way off track, and the doctor interviewing me told me a story about a friend of his in medical school who committed suicide because the pressure from his family was too much; he felt worthless and hopeless because that’s what they told him he was. Parents especially often don’t realize what a negative impact they words and attitudes can have on their children- disappointment and criticism are not the right ways to drive someone to succeed.
If someone is treating you this way, please please please stand up for yourself. You’re awesome! You want to be a doctor and help people! You deserve hugs and coffees and cookies and rainbows! All campuses have great counseling services for students. Talk to them, don’t let someone else’s negativity define you. Listen: your dreams, your path, and your life are yours and yours alone. Whatever you do, do it for yourself and be proud of those decisions. You are brave, you got this.